When I was seven and enthralled with Peter Pan, I researched mermaids. We went to the beach most summers, and as I swam around in the ocean, I always hoped I'd see one. This was before Google, so I used my World Book encyclopedias to look up "mermaid" and follow the information trail to the dismaying understanding that they were probably only manatees or sea lions spied by sailors so drunk that they perceived them to be beautiful females. I remember being skeptical of such an unexciting truth. Wasn't there more to it than that? Ever since then, whether it was spying the singing mermaids on the Submarine or "It's a Small World" rides at DIsneyland, watching movies that had mermaids in them ("Splash," "The Little Mermaid") or seeing the Starbucks logo proliferate around the nation, I've maintained my interest in mermaids. I remember a roommate of mine saying, once, "I'm a mermaid," and I was taken aback. Then I realized what she meant--she was an avid swimmer. This gave me pause. I'd never associated the real-world act of swimming laps in a pool with mythical creatures. The years when by, and as it happened, I started swimming more. I've worked really hard in the past several years to improve my technique, get faster, and swim more yards in each session. This summer, I swam in the ocean in Hawaii. I don't know about mermaids, but there is something incredibly soothing and therapeutic about swimming. When you swim well, and get into the flow of it, your thoughts drift, too, and there's nothing like it. I was a marathoner at one time, but swimming is now my favorite form of exercise, hands down. When I put on my ugly Speedo, swim cap, and goofy goggles, I could not feel less cool. But somehow, once I'm in that water, everything melts away. All that matters is that I move forward smoothly. I suppose that as a child, mermaids, like fairies or Santa Claus, were made-up creatures that represented childlike hope for me. In a way, swimming has become my own form of mermaid-dom: In the big lap pool, a bunch of strangers and I peacefully swim around, attaining peace and health as we go.

What's in a Name?

When my brother mentioned Matt as a potential set-up for me, I balked. "But I can't even pronounce his last name!" I said. My brother asked, "Would it help if I told you it's hyphenated?" That did help. I learned later that Mom is Ginder and Dad is Vogel, and they hyphenated the kids. When Matt's little brother Dave was born, the nun at the hospital told his mom she couldn't hyphenate his last name on the birth certificate. She said, "Yes, I can!" and did.

So when Matt and I got married, the entire three-month wedding-planning period involved discussions about whether I would, or should, change my last name, and if so, to what. He was surprised I would consider changing it at all. I thought it would be nice to have the same last name as him, and, presumably, our prospective children. His mom was surprised he didn't take my name, but he's not willing to change his, because a) he likes it, and b) he's published under it. I tried to use the argument that on future papers, he could just write, "Matthew Beman (formerly Ginder-Vogel)," and got a bemused stare. I suggested that since the cat has my last name, so could the kids, but he vetoed that, so rather than fight a losing battle, we made a deal that they could have his last name if I got to pick the first names. Personally, I think he's being a little inflexible, but he does it with such a cute giggle, who am I to argue? I'm the one making a big deal out of it.

The other piece of it is that I thought it would be kind of fun to have a new last name. I'd suddenly become someone else on Google searches. My current last name is easy to spell, yet people misspell it, and it's not exactly a great pen name or actor name or anything else. I'm a lot more attached to my first name (well, my nickname, anyway--the entire year I spent going by "Kathleen" felt like an identity crisis). You can make the case that last names are a big deal, or you can argue the exact opposite. They are a big deal if you like them, and not if you don't. More importantly, they are a big deal if no one has your last name--or if the person who has your new name is a tool. My friend Megan is quite distressed because now that she has a baby, she changed her last name to be the same as his and her husband's, but Megan Freund is some teenybopper girl with a silly MySpace profile.

I had a great idea that I could take his hyphenated last name, lose the hyphen, and be Katie Ginder Vogel. Flexibilty: I could hyphenate when I wanted my name to look identical to his, or just be Katie Vogel or Katie Ginder or whatever when I wanted something different. Only then my mom expressed so much angst that I might drop Beman and my middle name, Elizabeth, that it gave me pause. Elizabeth was her mother's middle name, she said. "So?" I responded. "That's why I'm naming my daughter Alison. After Grandma." She looked at me with those woebegone eyes, so now I've promised to name my next cat Elizabeth. I did a Google search for myself. Kathleen and Katie Beman have not changed. Same old links. Katie Ginder-Vogel and Kathleen Ginder-Vogel--nothing. I'd be brand new! Then, for kicks, I searched Katie Ginder. She exists. Scratch that. Then I searched Katie Vogel. She's a singer! I checked out her web site: http://www.katievogel.com/. She's adorable, but I could not be less like her. Katie Ginder-Vogel, on the other hand, is brand new. Somewhat defined by her husband's scientific papers and swim times from college, but ready to carve out her own identity soon.

This will not be the end of this discussion. I have yet to legally do anything. Who wants to change five frequent-flier profiles, every investment account, not to mention deal with the DMV and Social Security? I keep reminding myself that plenty of Hollywood types have fabulous-sounding names with different legal names, like Winona Horowitz (a.k.a. Winona Ryder). As Matt's dad says, "You can be a.k.a. any number of names."

Well, I hope Poppy Elizabeth Beman Ginder-Vogel doesn't have too much trouble signing her checks. :)

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

School started today, but I slept in. I read the paper, drank my coffee, then went swimming at 11. There was no one there. Well, there was a small party of 80-somethings, but they were chill, and I had the pool to myself. I'm getting better at butterfly--the key is to not lose my skills like I did last fall. I am subbing for someone Friday, but generally, I'm enjoying this new chapter in my life. I get better sleep, get to see more of my friends, have more energy in general, am making more out of my workouts, and can actually dye my hair weird colors if I so chose. I probably won't, but it's nice to have the option. I am reminded of one October back in '00, when I got laid off from Keen and spent the fall at the pool and the beach. I lasted three weeks before I got bored. Clearly, I'm getting better at using my free time. :)

There are things I will miss about teaching--my friends at work, obviously, but also being around kids and hearing their thoughts about politics, music, fashion, which celebrities are cute, what they think about various social issues--it keeps you young. At the same time, I felt like I, myself, had no sense of fashion, and I exerted myself so much at school and meetings that I wore myself out before I got home! It was sometimes hard to feel like I had a full life outside of work. I know many others, in other professions, have felt that way, and it wasn't a massive problem that would keep me from ever going back to teaching, but--I was ready for a break.

So now, when people ask me what I do for work, I say that I am a writer. And I do feel like one, again. I am doing my own work (novels, short stories, and of course, this wonderful masterpiece of a blog--ha!), doing PR and writing for Stanford and for Heather's Studio Picotee, and enjoying how comfortable it feels to be doing what I did for quite a few years before I became a teacher. I always thought it would work to maintain a writerly life while teaching. However, as I gained leadership in my school district, I devoted time to those things--and to the writing of curriculum, and discussion of student writing, and didn't spend time doing the writing I enjoy most--copywriting, PR, fiction. I edited a lot, and enjoyed that very much. And it's not true that "those who can't do, teach." That's ridiculous. Being able to write well helped me teach other people to do the same! However, it's nice to have time for myself.

I've also been traveling all over the west coast. There will be two trips to Hawaii, and I did go to Boston, and also went to LA, the gold country, and plan to head to the coast to see Big Sur, go to the Steinbeck museum, camp in luxury at Costa Noa, hit Half Moon Bay, maybe go up to Mendocino and Eureka and head home via Ashland, Shasta, Trinity Alps, and Lassen (and heck, maybe Redding!). Basically I am having the AAA Magazine summer. We found a fabulous French restaurant in Pasa Robles, on our way down to hotter-than-heck Calabasas for a family wedding in July. Heather and I discovered the town of Murphys on the way to Arnold last weekend, and also enjoyed seeing the giant sequoias at Calaveras Big Trees. The fam and I will be heading to a wedding in St. Helena over Labor Day weekend, and I certainly plan to spend more time in San Francisco as summer turns to fall.

Having time to see more of California is serving to prepare me for the move to Delaware in October. I'm excited to move to a small blue state, enjoy seasons, buy some cute winter clothes, meet some new people, and experience life in a new place. It's about time I did that! I'm already planning my trips to New York City, Baltimore, Philly, Washington, D.C. and the beaches and Chesapeake Bay towns. There is, of course, no small measure of stress involved in all of this, but I am trying to focus on my excitement. Having the good fortune of a flexible schedule this fall, I know I can come back to Cali whenever I choose to. I'll be looking for writing work so that I can continue to pay my bills while enjoying a flexible schedule, and hoping to adjust quickly!

I like:

My family and friends
Poppy the cat
Organic veggie boxes
A Prairie Home Companion
Car Talk
89.3 The Current from Minnesota Public Radio
The Minnesota State Fair
California summer
Gardens
wine at Vino Locale--but really anywhere
swimming at Avery Aquatic Center at Stanford
running at the Baylands in Palo Alto
dinner in the backyard
vegetarianism
puppies
cross-country skiing
books
the New York Times
Sudoku
Caffe Borrone and Kepler's in Menlo Park on a weeknight with girlfriends
San Francisco: Ferry Building, Cole Valley, Baker Beach, the Mission, running to Ocean Beach through Golden Gate Park, the deYoung, SoMa, Laurel Heights, the Richmond, the Sunset, Giants games at AT&T Park

I just re-read my post about my realizations about death and dying from last spring. I would say that I am still struggling with faith. However, my friend Erin told me something that I thought was really cool when I visited her in July. When her grandmother was dying, her mother left Grandma Nina's bedside to attend Erin's sister's college graduation. It was a difficult decision, but Nina really wanted them to go celebrate Lindsay's special moment. They returned and went straight to the hospital, and when Erin's mom was telling Nina about the ceremony, Nina interrupted her and said, "Yes, I know it was wonderful. But why was she wearing that blue cord around her neck?" Lindsay had been wearing a blue cord, for her sorority, with her cap and gown--but there's no way Nina would have known that! Erin and I agreed that it's cool to think of Nina being able to somehow have that knowledge as she neared death. I remember that around the time of night my grandmother died, I had a dream in which she gave me her lovely smile and said goodbye. She still appears in my dreams periodically. I like to think she's visiting me. Faith, after all, is a calming mechanism. It's the trust that when you die, you go to a better place, or are at peace. So I'm going to go ahead and keep believing, as much as I can, that death is OK. And I'm going to live a life modeled after my grandparents, who were kind, warm, intelligent, creative, expressive, and fun to be around! I want to be remembered that way. May life be long...